How the Ice King Stole Globmas
by Sophisticated Sableye
Summary: The Ice King is getting tired of all this stupid Globmas stuff. So, Ice King decideds he's just gonna steal it. Pretty reasonable solution, yes? Based on the classic Christmas cartoon "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."


**I noticed a while ago how the Ice King and The Grinch have a few similarities. They both live on a snowly mountain, they both are rather lonely (eventhough the Grinch chooses to be alone while Ice King just has to), and they both have a third thing in common. So, I decided to make an Ice King centered Christmas special. So read it, and let Christmas cheer fill your body until you explode! **

* * *

Every dude in the Land of Ooo liked Globmas a lot.

But the Ice King, who lived in the North of Ooo

Did not!

He hated Globmas! The whole Globmas season.

Now please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.

It could be that on Globmas, he gained too much weight

Or perhaps because his loneliness filled him with hate.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

Is that the Ice King's blood sack was two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason you might want to choose

Ice King simply loathed the people of Ooo.

Staring down from his castle with a stress ball in his hand

At all the bright colored kingdoms that scattered the land.

For he knew every dude in every kingdom of Ooo

Was preparing themselves for the holiday coming soon.

"And they're knitting their sweaters!" Ice King gagged with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Globmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his icy fingers nervously drumming

"I must find some way to stop Globmas from coming!

For tomorrow I know the day won't end swift.

The people of Ooo will give their loved ones tons of gifts.

They'll give each other sweaters, bow ties, and hats.

Spell books and potions made from dead cats.

Then everyone in the island, and that's no exaggeration

Will gather at the center of Ooo for a huge celebration.

Everyone will go, from every Kingdom and town

Will go to the party to get freaky and down.

Every Wizard and Princess and Hero will go all excited.

All except me 'cause I'm never invited!

And then, around noon, they'll all have a feast.

Made of sandwiches, trail mix, and everything sweet.

With Jake's home grown pickles and bacon pancakes.

Chocolate pudding, soy human, and Candy Kingdom milk shakes.

Tree Trunk's famous apple pies and sweet royal tarts.

Aw, what's so good about'em!? I bet they taste just like farts!

Then those cupholders will do something I hate most of all.

Everyone in Ooo, the short and the tall

Will gather around a grand Globmas tree

And sing their stupid Globmas song!"

And the more Ice King thought of this whole Ooo-Globmas-sing

The more Ice King thought,"I must stop this whole thing!"

"Why for three whole years I've put up with it now!

I must find a way to stop Globmas from coming! But how?"

Then the Ice King an idea.

A crazy idea.

The Ice King got a demented, crazy idea.

"I know what I'll do!" Ice King laughed with an upside down frown.

"I'll make a quick Glob-like robe and a crown."

"This will be perfect!" Ice King giggled in glee.

"With this robe and this crown, I'll look just like Big G.

Now I need a Cosmic Owl." Ice King looked around.

But since Owls were extinct there were none to be found.

Did that stop Ice King? Ha! Ice King simply said,

"If I can't _find _an owl, I'll _make _one instead."

So he grabbed his pet Gunther, gold paint and a brush

And painted him til he looked like the Cosmic Owl himself.

Then he took his magic endless bag

And his demonic wishing eye

And used the latter to make eight Gunthers,

With the original making nine.

So he tied the nine Gunthers to his sleigh with his stuff

And after threathing them with the squirty squirts the Gunthers ran in a rush.

The Ice King breezed through the Ice Kingdom, clearing it in a flash

When he approached a familar tree house in the middle of the Grasslands.

The whole island was snowy

No one was outside

They were all tucked in their beds

Dreaming of sweet apple pies.

"This is our first stop," Ice King creepily laughed

As he flew up to the window, with his magic bag on his back.

Then he smashed open the glass; not the wisest thing to do.

You may have noticed Ice King's not the brightest person in Ooo.

Then he flew quietly to the living room where

He spotted his best friends sleeping without care.

There was Finn, Jake, and BMO snoozing on their couch.

It was than Ice King realized they're were others in the house.

There was Bubblegum, Rainacorn, LSP and her lumps

Some other princesses, Peppermint Butler, and Cinnamon Buns.

This got Ice King so mad that they didn't invite him to come.

But he quickly calmed down, and went back to stealing their stuff.

He took all the sweaters that sat on the table.

He took the story book filled with tall tales and fables.

Next was the tapes they'd be watching the next day

Like Heat Sighature, Home Alone, and Citizen Kane.

Then he swooped into the kitchen and took the stuff they would eat.

He took the fresh pickles and Neptr's blueberry treats.

Why that Ice King even took their last can of canned meat.

He stuffed all toys and foods right into his bag.

"And now," grinned the Ice King, "I've saved the tree for last."

So he began bagging the tree, starting with the top with the star

When he heard a shriveled voice like the screech of a guitar.

He turned around fast, and what did he see?

Why it was little Marceline, who was no more then a thousand and twenty-three.

Still half asleep, Marceline said, "Glob, why?"

"Why are you taking my fries? Why?"

But you know, the Ice King wasn't that brainy

So he thought of a lie that couldn't fool a baby.

"Why my dear," the Ice King told

"I'm afraid these french fries are just far too cold.

So I'm taking it back to my pad in the sky.

I'll warm it with the sun, and be back by nine."

But his lie fooled Marceline, who thought she was dreaming

And gave her back one apple to help her back to her sleeping.

So with Marceline back asleep with her fresh snack

The Ice King flew out their window with their feast and knick knacks.

And the last thing he took was their sewing machine.

On their floor he left only fallen leaves from their tree.

And the only speck of food he left before he hit the trail

Was a crumb that was even too small for a snail.

And he did the same thing to everyone else in the land.

Leaving crumbs much to small for any snail to have.

It was a quarter passed five by the time he was done.

The Ice King had managed to steal everyone's Globmas stuff.

He packed all their books, decorations, and gags

Their wands, trees, and treats all into his bag.

With his nine Gunthers he when back up the snowly mountain

To take the bag of goods and hide it in his closet.

"Big poop to those dudes!" he was maliciously humming.

"They're finding out now that no Globmas is coming!

They're waking up now, I'll know just what they'll do

Their eyes will hang open for a whole hour or two

Then every dude in Ooo will all cry boo-hoo!

Now that's a noise," grinned Ice King, "that be music to my ears!"

He when towards his window to check what he would hear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the hill.

It started off low, then it started to build

* * *

_Hooray Dooray, Hooray Dooray_

_Come here Globmas! Come right here_

_Hooray Dooray, Hooray Dooray_

_Come here Globmas, spead your cheer._

_Hooray Dooray, hooray for all._

_Hooray Dooray for all big and small._

_Globmas day will always be_

_So long as there is you and me._

* * *

But this sound didn't sound sad or crappy.

Why, this sound sounded happy!

Every dude in the Land of Ooo, the short and the tall

Was singing without any presents at all!

He hadn't stopped Globmas from coming! It came!

Someway or another, it came just the same.

And the Ice King, with his three toes nervously tapping

Stood puzzling and puzzling. "How could this be happening?

It came without sweaters! It came without pies!

It came without toys, hats, or bow ties!"

He wondered and wondered til his wonderer gave up.

Then the Ice King thought of something he hadn't thought of.

"Maybe Globmas isn't about cakes and bikes.

Maybe Globmas, perhaps, is about having friends that you like!"

And what happened then, well in the Land of Ooo they say

That the Ice King blood sack grew three sizes that day!

And now that some blood could pump to his brain

He rode down with Gunther and the gitfs on his sleigh.

All the way down from the top of the summit

Playing "Merry Globmas to all" with a shiny gold trumpet.

At the center of Ooo, he gave back all their things.

He gave back the jukeboxes, wrapped gifts, and springs.

He brought everything back, now that he had some warmth in his heart.

And he himself, the Ice King, sliced the royal tarts.

* * *

Welcome Globmas. Bring your cheer.

Cheer to every dude and gal far and near.

It matters not if your green or blue.

For Globmas spirit will always welcome you.

For Globmas day will always be.

So long as I have you, and you have me

* * *

**I sure hope Pen Ward reads my fanfic and turns it in to a Christmas episode next year! It will become a Christmas classic! I just hope they don't make a subpar live-action movie based on it. But, I digress. I hope you enjoyed this little tale, and I wish ya all the merriest Globmas ever! **


End file.
